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It can be hard sometimes, can’t it? This single life. Most of the time you’re decent at faking it, and there are even very real seasons that you’re actually grateful that you’re still single as it allows you the freedom to experience things that your friends who are married are not as easily able to experience. It does not change the fact though that there are very real seasons of loneliness and times when you wish you could do life with someone as it seems everyone else does. I want to let you know this Valentine’s Day that you are not alone. I’ll start by being open and sharing my own struggle. This past Christmas and birthday were hard for me. I would love to be married and be a wife and mom, but that is not the season that God has me in right now, and while I still hope for that someday, I am also very aware that it is not promised to me. To all of you other beautiful single ladies out there, I want you to know that it is ok to cry sometimes when the ache in your heart to hold your own little one as you hear that another friend is having a baby or the longing to have someone “pop the question” to you becomes overwhelming as you see on Facebook that yet another friend is engaged. Go ahead and cry. It does not mean that you are less excited or happy for that friend, it is simply an acknowledgement that your heart longs for the same. The secret I’ve learned is to not stay there, but rather after the tears have begun to slow to cry out to the one who holds my future and knows where life will lead. I promise you, God has not forgotten us. While life may not look how we always thought it would, that does not mean that God does not have something amazing planned for you, different is not always bad, it can actually be just as good and sometimes better.
Secondly, surround yourself with a community of friends who are there on your side. It can be so tempting to bottle all of the emotions up inside, but you won’t find healing that way. Open up to your community and ask them to stand alongside of you. I have one friend in particular that anytime I can feel myself beginning to feel lonely or wishing my life had followed the route I had thought it would, I send her a text message and she prays for me and sends encouragement reminding me of truth. Your community does not have to all be single either, two of my dearest friends are both married and one has a precious little one and the other is expecting her first baby. They have been an amazing source of strength to me by letting me be a part of their lives! Being around them and their families is actually healing rather than hurtful, my friends little boy always puts the biggest smile on my face and both of them have been incredible encouragements. I also have learned so much about relationships thanks to them that I would not have learned otherwise, and whether I get married or not that is invaluable!
Finally, life does not suddenly magically begin when you get married, it is happening right now! Don’t waste these years wishing for something you can have no control over. Instead, go live life as full as you can! Some of my favorite stories my mom would tell me growing up happened before she met my dad, and you know the reason she had those stories? It is because she chose to make the most of her single years and lived them fully! Make this time you are living now worth looking back on and smiling over instead of looking back and realizing that you wasted such a large portion of your life. This is your chance to go on that trip of a life time, volunteer at your church or that mission downtown. Go find a younger girl and invest in her life, you will never regret it! Spend time investing in the friendships and relationships you currently have in your life, one of the things my married friends has taught me is that when you are married you still need those girl friends just as much as you did before you were married.
I want to challenge you this Valentine’s Day to not stay at home wishing that someone special was there to celebrate the day with. Go find some single friends and invite them to a Galentines or Palentines party! Or if you’re like me and nearly all of your local friends are married, host a Galentines party a few days before or after Valentines Day. Go make memories that you want to remember!
Finally, I just want you to know that you are a beautiful, amazing young woman. Yes YOU! Not having a significant other does not make you any less wonderful as the woman in a relationship. You already are LOVED, CHERISHED AND BEAUTIFUL. God has not forgotten you, and He has not left you alone. He is on your side and He is in your corner. I also am here for you if you need someone.
Happy Valentines Day!
Leighton Michele
